Thursday, August 20, 2009

Mixed feelings

This post is about breastfeeding, just a fair warning.

Annalisa is less than a month away from her 1st birthday, and still nurses. I would hardly be thinking about this at all, except for the point that in less than 2 weeks, Cody and I will be going to Washington DC alone for a week. I'm hoping Anna will be able to find other modes of soothing during that week, or it will be miserable for my poor parents.

So, I've been working the past few weeks on the start of weaning. It has been really hard. Anna is (quite literally) very attached to me, and refuses any other form of liquids, except for a little juice from sippy cups. I was getting really worried. Today I had a bottle of water for Anna, and after dinner, she wanted a drink. She took the bottle! I was so excited! So when, an hour later she wanted to nurse, I fixed the bottle with formula. She chugged it down like she's been doing it her whole life. I was immediately happy, and then I was saddened.

I'm ready for her to wean, but it is still is an emotional heartache to end. As she was drinking that bottle, my first reaction was thrill and happiness, and calm about my upcoming trip, knowing (finally) that she would be okay while I was gone. But then I realized she was getting her comfort from this bottle, and not from me. See, as frustrating as some moments are, I love breastfeeding Annalisa. There is such a beautiful connection between my baby and I, forged by the hundreds of times she's needed food and comfort and I have been her primary source of nurture. To think that is beginning to end makes me sad. It is definitely a bittersweet crossroads in my life. But as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end...

4 comments:

Kathy said...

I totally feel you. I hope when the time comes to wean Ben it will go smoothly. It is so neat to nurse :)

Nikki said...

Ooh. I echo Kathy's sentiment. Each time weaning time has come or surprisingly was happening a bit of my heart was very sad.

However, you should take great pleasure in knowing the health benefits you have afforded her and yourself as well as the great bonding. And of course, you will have more opportunities with future babies to share that again.

Laurie/Mom/Grandma said...

I'm so proud of you. I know that it was really hard for you when you couldn't nurse Lee, and has been such a great blessing to be able to nurse Anna so well. I feel your pain. When Sara quit nursing at six months I grieved. I wasn't ready to give it up.

Julie said...

I cried when I weaned Andrew. Even though I was pregnant with Collln, I didn't feel ready for it. Part of it was realizing that Andrew wouldn't be my baby much longer. Mother hormones-they're pretty powerful.