Monday, March 14, 2011

New life

I looked outside the front window just now and saw several inches of tulips and daffodils in our front flower bed. This is super exciting! We didn't live here in the fall, and I'm not sure what kind of landscaping is established. I certainly didn't know if we would get any bulb flowers, which are my favorites because they grow early. But there they are, coming up and looking very promising.

There is new life coming up all around me. Spring truly is a thrilling time, and I love that we had Katie right at the start of it. To be honest, I'm having some emotional difficulty. I am absolutely certain it is hormonal, but it is still difficult to deal with. I have had a few flashbacks of the labor and delivery; specifically, the hyperventilation, and it sent me into a mild panic attack. Add that to the dread I have been building up all the pregnancy for the weeks right after her birth... and now that we're here, that fear and dread has left me feeling even more panicky. But today we are fine. We actually got a ton accomplished. I'm very grateful Cody has this week off. I wish he didn't have to go back next week, but I know I will be alright.

These daffodils and tulips to me are a symbol of the new life we just brought into the world. Katie marks a new life for me as well. I need to leave the fears and dreads of the past behind me, and move forward with faith and hope. The future is truly bright, and I have no reason to be afraid of it any more. The pain of the past is gone, and it cannot hurt me any more unless I let it.

I am proud of myself for going natural in the delivery part. I have accomplished something amazing. I wasn't sure I would even have the strength to do it, but I did! I am healing up wonderfully, and I have high hopes the hormones will settle down soon. Until then, I'm snuggling my beautiful baby girl and Lee and Annalisa as well. I'm not fretting about anything that is not really important. And I hope the sleep will come soon too. :)

Hooray for beautiful new life! Happy Spring!

p.s. Thanks for making this blog a safe, therapeutic place for me. I really appreciate all you readers, who make me feel loved and cared for. I hope you have patience with me as I work through this time of my life.


Laurie/Mom/Grandma said...

Love you lots! Tuesdays or Thursdays are good days to call and see if you can leave Anna with me while Lee is in school. Anna wouldn't mind helping us clean tomorrow.

Rach said...

Those hormones and hormone withdrawl right after birth are really rough on one's psyche.I think you are very brave and such a strong lady, especially to have no pain meds!

John and Anna said...

Life has been hectic at my house the last little while so I'm not sure if I've commented yet on any of your posts, but I first want to say thank you for all the emotional support you have given me through your comments on my blog. I know they've helped others as well. I'm grateful for your wisdom and inspiration.

And second, if I haven't already I want to say congrats on your beautiful little Katie. I love that name and she is just darling.

Third, about the hormones. They really did a number on me with this birth. I was edgy and overwhelmed and just plain ornery.

With Cache I was a bit more sensitive than normal about sweet things people would do; I would just burst into tears. But more than anything I would also have the anxiety that you talked about. I re-lived the whole scary first 6 weeks of Cache's life over and over. That is a hard thing, to have to go through it more than once and I hope it fades soon for you.

I'm so impressed with your strength in going natural. That is one incredible mountain to climb and I think you are amazing!

And lastly, I think, :) about the Spring flowers. I noticed some green in front of our house the other day and felt the same way you do. What a sweet blessing nature has given us to remind us of the important things.

Good luck in these next few weeks. I love reading your blog and keeping up on your sweet families every day adventures.