Pregnancy journal time. This pregnancy has been zooming by, even for me. I can't believe I'm 25 weeks along! I have one more 4 week appointment, then I'm on to 2 weeks and then 1 week apart. I only have a few more weeks of the second trimester. I'm definitely showing now and I feel baby Elsie move quite a bit. Cody has felt her move a lot too, and Anna has as well. Pretty exciting!
Yesterday I had a checkup and everything is going very well. I did my gestational diabetes glucose screening, and my sugar levels are great so no worries in that department. My blood pressure was back to my normal levels, and I have gained 6 pounds this whole pregnancy now. We even found a good strong heartbeat without any struggles whatsoever, so maybe Elsie has moved forward a bit and is overcoming the anterior placenta that was giving me such a headache a month ago. Speaking of headaches, I'm still getting them and I'm still congested, but otherwise I feel pretty good. It is getting harder to pick things up off the floor and tie my shoes, but I'm coping just fine.
I am so grateful to have air conditioning this summer! I also love our garden because it's coming on with lots of great vegetables now, which really helps me figure out what to make for dinner, as well as being fun and healthy. I'm having more food aversions than cravings, especially an aversion to meat. I just can't stand the thought of putting a piece of meat in my mouth and gnawing on it forever. Ground and shredded meats in small quantities are ok, like a hamburger or a taco or sloppy joes, but something like grilled chicken or steak... bleh. So, I make meat quite rarely right now, and we've been eating lots of eggs, vegetables, and beans. It's probably healthier that way anyway, but I have to remember to keep my iron intake high, otherwise the headaches and fatigue gets even worse than normal. It's all a balancing act, and one that I'm not very good at. :)
The emotional strain from the hormones is the toughest part of this pregnancy right now, though. I have been feeling so worried about the welfare of my children and guilty for all my imperfections. I don't want anything bad to happen to my kids, and sometimes I wake up at night and just fret and cry for an hour or so, worried I haven't read them enough stories and let them watch too many movies, or worried that they'll be hurt or eat unhealthy or get in poison ivy or SOMETHING. Mostly I just worry that I'm a bad mother and that I've screwed up my kids by not being perfect. I know in my brain that none of this is true. But the hormones are making me hypersensitive and I can't stop these panic attacks and depression. All I can do is have a good cry, ask Cody for a blessing or a hug, and try again in the morning. Usually having some special one-on-one time with each child, holding them and telling them I love them, and then helping them learn something new, helps me the most. I just have to consciously tell myself, "I DID read them stories. I DID play with them outside. I DID help them clean their room. I DID give them a bath. I DID bear my testimony to them. We DID have family home evening. We DID do things as right as we know how to. And most importantly, Lisa, They DID laugh and play and smile and say 'I love you mom.'" ... Like I said, stupid hormones mess with what I know and what I feel.
Life really is good, really it is. It is a huge relief to know that the baby is growing and developing well and that everything looks great with the pregnancy. We'll continue riding this roller coaster of life and... 15 weeks to go!